On a recent coaching call, someone asked me how to work with a team member who doesn’t want to commit to a deadline.
And it reminded me…I am one.
Not one who misses deadlines, in fact I’m excellent at meeting them.
But ask me to set a deadline? That’s where things get difficult because I overthink. I’m deadline avoidant, but only in the setting, not the doing.
Let’s unpack it, because I think there are more of us like this in the workplace than you might realise.
When I was at school, we were required to submit an essay plan alongside the finished essay.
The idea was that the plan would guide and shape the writing.
But for me, the plan was the hardest part. I was much better at writing the essay and then retrospectively drafting the plan!
It’s the same with projects. I can deliver to a deadline, self-imposed or someone else’s, but ask me to estimate how long it’ll take? I become very uncomfortable because I struggle to feel the shape of time before the work begins.
And here’s why.
It’s not procrastination
It’s pre-commitment resistance.
It stems from a fear of being wrong. A fear of underestimating and missing the mark. A fear of overestimating and under-delivering. A fear of locking myself into a pressure-cooker I might not have the capacity for.
And unlike some people who thrive under last-minute pressure, I don’t.
So in order to feel comfortable committing to a timeline, I need to spend a lot of time solving the problem mentally before I feel safe enough to tell others when I can solve it in reality.
If that sounds frustrating to you, especially if you're a “just give me the deadline” kind of person, you’re not alone. But we’re not being difficult. We’re just wired a little differently.
So, how to work with people like me?
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Start with curiosity, not pressure
Try asking, “What do you need to feel ready to estimate this?” instead of “When will you have it done?” This opens up space for them to talk through their thinking, which is often the thing that unlocks the commitment.
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Frame deadlines as experiments, not ultimatums
Language matters. Try, “How about we aim for Friday and see how it feels as we go?” This lowers the stakes while still creating momentum.
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Collaborate on the breakdown before the deadline
Sometimes, the discomfort comes from the size of the unknown. Helping someone deconstruct the task into manageable pieces can make the end-point easier to see and commit to.
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Anchor estimates in past experiences
Remind them of something similar they’ve done before.
“This reminds me of the X project, which took about three days. Does that feel like the right ballpark here?”
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Avoid binary thinking
Instead of “Can you meet this date or not?”, try “What range feels realistic for you?” or “What’s your best case vs. worst case?” This helps open up the discussion without paralysing their thinking.
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Make space for private thinking time
Precommitment resistance types often need to go away and process. So instead of expecting an answer in the moment, say “Think it over and get back to me tomorrow with what feels realistic.”
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