The other week I wrote about feeling icky about influence. People feel reluctant to say theyโre influencing someone because it can be misconstrued as manipulation.
There are a couple of other labels that float around in the same space: persuading and convincing.
Time to tease them apart.
Say we want to get someone to eat an apple.
- You use false or misleading information to encourage the behaviour. "This apple tastes like chocolate." That's manipulation. A deceptive appeal.
- You use a benefit to make the action attractive. "You wanted something that won't crash your energy โ this is it." That's persuasion. An emotional appeal.
- You use facts and reasoning to argue the case. "It's good for you. Fibre, antioxidants." That's convincing. An intellectual appeal.
- You design the context so the behaviour is more likely. You put the apple in the fruit bowl on the bench. You put the chips in the pantry, out of sight. That's influence. An appeal to our preference for the path of least resistance.
The underlying mechanisms
We can plot these four approaches across two dimensions: Awareness and control.
In the case of persuasion and convincing, people are both aware and in control.
In the case of manipulation and influencing, people are not consciously aware. Thatโs why influence can sometimes be tainted with the manipulation brush. Something is happening below the surface so it feels deceptive.
But hereโs the real difference: Control.
Manipulation gives people a false sense of control โ false, because the choice they're making is based on something that isn't true, like an apple that tastes like chocolate.
Influence preserves their control. They can choose the apple or not. They can still access the other snacks if they want.
Ultimately, ask: would this still work if I made them consciously aware of exactly what I did?
๐ Telling them "I put the apple where it's easy to reach" doesnโt threaten their sense of control. It reinforces they still had a real choice.
๐ Telling them "I said it tastes like chocolate. It doesn't" reveals their choice was never real to begin with.
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