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There’s a scene in My Big Fat Greek Wedding where the mother and aunt are conspiring to get the father to agree to an idea.

Rather than ask him directly, for fear he’ll say no, they have to make him think it was his idea all along.

Funny, yes, but an important insight, too.

Because what they are trying to avoid is something called “reactance”.

In other words, if you tell me what to do I’m going to do the opposite!

Reactance is a big problem in business...

Feelings for me, facts for them.

That seems to be most people's approach to decisions.

We ask ourselves, does this feel right? Does what I’m hearing make sense? 

Then, to convince others, we turn to facts. We think logic will persuade.

After all, that’s what people say they want, especially in B2B. Facts. Reason. Logic. 

But it’s not the facts that persuade. 

It’s feelings about facts.

That’s what you need to influence.

Want to know how?

“One morning, one of us ran out of the black, it was the birth of Impressionism.” - Pierre-Auguste Renoir

Perhaps a poetic, revisionist take on the start of a new style of art, but Renoir speaks to unexpected blessings of constraint.

When something you’ve relied on is taken away, a vacuum is created.

A creative vacuum.

The modern day challenge, for many of us, is not absence but abundance.

Abundance is confusing because it requires discernment. Decisions are...

You know what I think exhausts us at work?

Murk.

Think of your average work day, for example.

It’s likely filled with writing and responding to emails, attending meetings, speaking with colleagues, customers and/or suppliers.

Now think of all the micro decisions you have to make in the course of that activity.

How should I say something so it best lands?

How do I get my point across that means others are likely to agree?

Who should do what, and how do I tell them?

This is the...

How do you know when to walk away?

Let’s say you are trying to crowdsource funding for a new product using a platform like Kickstarter to attract and secure investors.

It’s a nervous wait, and if fundraising doesn’t go to plan, there are two paths to follow.

You can let things run their course, deciding not to invest more resources into the process, or you can make changes to the product to try to capture new interest.

But what factors influence that decision?...

Outcome bias is our tendency to judge a decision by its eventual outcomes instead of the quality of the decision at the time it was made. 

In other words, that decision you make today, feeling pressured or frustrated, will be judged without the benefit of context.

No one will care what was happening to you or around you – they’ll only care how your decision turned out.

Two things to consider:

1. Next time you feel overwhelmed and uncertain about what to do, imagine...

Did you know where people sit can have an impact on whether they’ll agree with you?

If you want to improve the chances of consensus, arrange chairs in a circular formation.

If you instead want people to retain their independence, set the chairs in an angular formation.

The difference is how the environment cues decision-making.

According to 2017 research, in a circular formation, our need for belonging is cued, so we’re more likely to be consensus driven.

In an angular...

We make a mistake when we think data will do the heavy lifting.

That facts will convince someone to do something.

It’s better to think of data as currency. It’s not the data points themselves that matter, it’s the meaning ascribed.

So when a stakeholder asks you for data, what they’re most likely seeking is justification.

That's what you need to help them do.

Telling someone no can feel uncomfortable.

So we might put it off.

Let it drift.

Convince ourselves that they know it’s a no because we haven’t given them a yes.

It gets easier as time passes. The guilt subsides. The awkwardness. New pressures and decisions steal our share of mind.

But what about theirs?

As someone who has to often wait for others to make a decision - will we proceed or not? - a thoughtful no is all I want.

I want to hear the no, not so I can talk you out...

Are you providing too much detail or not enough?

People say they want information, right? But what's the right level of information to share?

Behavioural expert Bri Williams shares how to approach the issue of information, including why people think they need it and why they actually do.

More about Just Do This: www.briwilliams.com/about-just-do-this